GREAT QUOTES FROM GANDHI, WOODY ALLEN, GROUCHO MARX & CO
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
P. G. Wodehouse
He was of the faith in the sense
that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument
as one goes on.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
phone calls taper off.
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to
think little of robbing he next comes to drinking and
Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible
man hardly anything.
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
Wit is educated insolence.
Egotist: A person more interested in himself than in me.
narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
When turkeys mate they think of swans.
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a
resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to
physics or chemistry.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving
birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a
toaster and a radio.
All children are essentially criminal.
There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
Ever since the young men have owned motorcycles, incest has been
Sex drive: A physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at
would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than Ulysses
S. Grant in full military regalia.
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so
I said to her, "What's the matter, you can't think of anybody
If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.